We all tell ourselves we can control our alcohol intake…but that’s just a flat out lie. Sometimes, your “I’m only going to drink a little bit” turns into “Yeah I’m down to go shot-for-shot with this fraternity President.” I’m not here to judge you; I’m just here to tell you how your thought process is going to go down the next day. Here are the ten thoughts you will have the morning after you black out, guaranteed.
1. Last night was a fun night.
You start off the morning thinking that everything’s A-OK. You are definitely going to feel a little hungover, but at this point you think you remember everything. Warning: Your life is about to get wrecked.
2. I sent that text?!
This is when the day after you black out takes a turn for the worst. You see that you have 12 unread text messages, but you don’t remember texting half these people. You feel the panic start to set in as you try to put together what would have compelled you to tell your third cousin that you love them at 2 a.m. You start to wonder how much you actually drank last night.
3. I did what?
You begin actually reading through all your conversations from last night and realize that your brain is missing a good 4-5 hours of memory. You always joked about how you wanted your friend’s girlfriend gone, but you didn’t think that would mean sending him pictures of his name across your boobs. Get it together. You’re hoping that’s the worst of the worst. It’s not.
4. Why why why why why?
You’re reading more and more of the messages and becoming more and more terrified of just how far your shenanigans went. There’s still a couple numbers in your phone you don’t recognize, and you’re starting to convince yourself you may never put the whole night together. You begin questioning every life decision you’ve ever made that has led you to this point.
5. Oh God, it gets worse.
At this point in the morning after you black out, you finally get around to texting all your friends, and they lovingly respond with videos of all the stupid things you did. So no one thought to pull you down off the table you were dancing on, but they were all fine with recording it for later distribution. Thanks guys. Very appreciated. Your friends then get through their tears of laughter long enough to put the night into perspective for you.
6. Damage control.
It’s time to begin frantically apologizing for all the things you said and did last night. You go down your lists of most recent texts and, one by one, try to piece your relationships back together. Most people are going to be totally OK with it (and probably find it funny as hell), but there’s always one or two people you really pissed off. Don’t worry, they’ll come around.
7. I can’t be trusted with Snapchat.
Up until now, you haven’t even thought to check your social media to see what kind of havoc you’ve caused there. Although having the first person view of your escapades certainly helps, putting them on your Snapchat story may not have been the best idea. Rookie mistake.
8. Of course I texted my ex.
At the bottom of your recent conversations, you’ll notice that drunk-you decided to tell off your ex last night. Honestly, he probably deserved it. Still would not recommend repeating. You consider apologizing, but everything you said was true, so you decide to let this one slide.
9. Jesus, I need Advil.
Now that you’ve mentally and emotionally exhausted yourself (all before noon), the hangover after you black out is about to come on in full force. Eat some carbs and drink some Gatorade, champ. Grab some Advil and head back to bed. You’re on the downhill now.
10. I’m never drinking again.
Again, we’ve all said this. And we’re all liars. You’ll also say you’ll never black out again. Also a lie. Best of luck to you next time around.