10 Things You Only Do When You’re Drunk
College students tend to overdo it and drink too much. While being drunk can be very fun, it can also lead to some strange and plain stupid behavior. Here are ten moves that probably seemed like genius ideas at the time, but were clearly mistakes as soon as you woke up.
1. I got money in the baaaaank
Why worry about your budget when it’s so much more fun to make it rain when you go out? Just remember you can’t buy happiness. You can buy shots, cocktails and pizza though so that’s close enough. And it’s too much fun to yell “next round’s on me!” and be treated like a living God in the bar for two minutes.
2. Hungry Hungry Hippo
Every college town has that one sketchy delivery-only place that is still in business solely because of drunk students. When sober, you wouldn’t even consider ordering from there but somehow you NEED it when you get home drunk after a night out. You’ll either regret eating it when you wake up the next morning, or if you partied extra-hard, you might just pass out before the “food” is even delivered. It’ll annoy the driver but don’t worry, they’ll still come back when you call them next weekend.
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3. Let’s get loud (and emotional)
It doesn’t matter what emotions you’re feeling, everyone has to know. Yell that you love your best friend, scream that you don’t care what people think of you. It doesn’t even have to be anything important, yelling anything makes it seem more important.
4. Are you ready to rumble?
You’ve never fought anyone before, but when you get slightly, and accidentally bumped by this random stranger, it’s personal. Chances are the confrontation will start with both parties yelling nonsense at each other. Then friends will get involved. Someone will talk you both back to reason, you’ll realize that you’re both being absurd wearing the same boots and you’ll end up making a best friend for the night.
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5. All is lost
What’s in your pockets/purse when you go out: wallet, phone, keys
What’s in your pockets/purse when you leave: empty wallet, phone with a now cracked screen, key-chain.
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6. So you think you can dance? And sing?! AND rap??
Chances are: you can’t. But every good party needs a drunken performance from an overconfident artist, so kudos to you for stepping up!
7. Drinking and driving
Easily the most ridiculous mistake you can make when drunk. Between your safety, everyone else’s safety and your car, it’s a lose-lose-lose situation. Last time you were in a situation like that was when your boss friended you on Facebook.
8. Drinking and typing
Everyone has been of both ends of drunk texts. If you’re sending one, please keep it to a maximum of five consecutive vowels (see my “I got money in the baaaaank” point as a reference).
9. Bathroom buddies
The bathroom when you’re drunk in college is the social equivalent of a bouncy castle when you’re a kid. Everyone you meet there is simply THE BEST. You talk, laugh, take a quick selfie. But when you walk across from your new sister-from-another-mother on campus the next week, you can’t even remember her name and she just becomes Bathroom Girl in your mind.
10. Excessive planning
Want to go to shopping tomorrow morning? Want to be gym buddies? Want to be a bridesmaid at my wedding?
This will undoubtedly happen. The only question is, will the other person hold you to it?
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Make sure to keep in mind what your alcohol tolerance is and to stay safe. And be ready to tackle the hangover the next morning.
And remember, if you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
