Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or casual sex kinda gal, we all want to improve our sex lives. Regardless of how good you are, there are always things to learn and add to your arsenal. Follow these tips and you will be on the road to great sex.
Consent and communicate is the most important thing of any sexual encounter, whether it is casual, long-term, short-term, or whatever else. Despite other’s thinking, establishing consent can be very sexy. You can start by asking your partner if you could perform a certain sexual act on them. The idea is very simple, but it’s very effective. Ex: “Can I kiss you here?”, “Do you like it when I touch you here?”, etc. Of course, my examples are pretty PG, but you can get as sensual and as dirty as you want. You can up the ante however you see fit.
Also, before any sexual encounter, it is nice to know what your partner likes, so you won’t have to guess or do something they are not into. A simple conversation can give you ideas on what to add to the bedroom that you have never thought of before. Communication is arguably the most important step to have great sex.
2. Be in the moment consistently:
I am guilty of this. To be honest, I think we all have at one point. I think anyone in a long-term relationship has done this. Sometimes you are with someone for so long that all the moves and stuff you do to each other can become very formulaic. You tend to rely on older things that have worked, or you are just going through the motions. Not good, my friend. Not good. One thing that can tackle this is foreplay, so try rubbing and kissing certain parts of your partner. Once you get into loving and being into your partner’s body, everything else will come naturally.
3. Be real/authentic:
In the internet age, porn is very accessible. The actresses are almost horrendous. They scream and shout about things that I doubt even feel that good. Be open and cool with your partner about noise, but do not fake the funk. Do what feels natural and let your body takes over. Sex is a very natural and biological thing. If something awkward happens, laugh it off. What’s the worse that can happen?
Establishing an emotional connection with your sexual partner can open you up to better sex. The reasoning for this is because you grow comfortable with that person. Long-term relationships often are talked down upon by jaded folks, but the reality is that intimacy is one of the greatest gifts to a partnership. For instance, with my partner, I understand and have seen his body numerous times, and he has seen mine well over a hundred, which lead to me stressing less about how my body looks and focus more on having a fun time and not being self-conscious.
5. Do not just put the P in the V:
Switch up your routine. Maybe try only oral one night. Masturbate together the next night. Make it all about your partner’s pleasure, then next time, it is all about you. Try anal or whatever sex act you have been curious about. The point of this tip is to try new things often. Try any and everything at least once if you do not like it, no problem—don’t do it again. Experimenting can open doors to other things you probably would not have guessed in a million that you can enjoy.
6. Ask for what you want and ask what they want:
Ask and discuss fantasies with your partner. How is your partner going to know what you like if you do not tell me and vice versa? Once you take away the anxiety from sex, it removes the fear of the unknown. Embrace your body, embrace your partner, and remember the main objective of sex, which is to have fun. Knowing what you and your partner need to satisfy each other sexually is not only the first step to great sex; it can also lead to a more fulfilling relationship.
7. Bring in sex toys:
If you and your partner are at all out of cool new things to try, it is time to bring out the sex toys. But of course, like always, get what you both are comfortable with trying. There are so many options in today’s time with everyone being more sexually positive and open. One of my favorite sex stores online is Adam and Eve*. Adam and Eve is a great website that a plethora of sex toys to choose from. It has stuff for solo play as well as couple stuff. The shipping comes to you in discreet packaging and they almost always have a sale going on.
8. Switch things up the Location:
You probably understand by now that routine can be a quick way to water down anyone’s sex life. If you are not a ballsy or spontaneous person, an easy trick to have great sex is to change your location. Great sex does not have to just happen in your bedroom or even your bed. Typically, everyone resorts to the bedroom, which is great, but there are so many other places to get frisky. As long as you keep it legal and safe, the world is your oyster. Try a closed-off area in the back of your car, the couch in your living room, the bathroom, or the closet.
9. Bring It Back to Basics:
When you run out of things to do, it is great to just bring everything back to basics. Take time to revisit things you enjoyed but only tried a few times. Maybe you could even add more romance to the atmosphere. Having great sex does not entail doing different and crazy things each time you and your partner are in the mood. When you keep diversifying what you do in the bedroom often, going back to the basics can be just as great.
10. Quality and Not Quantity:
Stress less about frequency and more about the quality of sex that you are having. My favorite food is hot wings. I find it to be a very fun and relaxing meal to eat probably once every week. Imagine if I ate hot wings every day; it would quickly become boring and less special for me. I am not advising you to have sex once every 2 weeks. Have sex! Do it often! I want you to also recognize the importance of the quality of sec you are having. You can have sex every day, but it is good? Is it satisfying you and fulfilling all your needs? Is it dynamic and interesting for both of you?