20 Signs You’re Addicted To Brunch
As a college student, more often than not, the food I consume is sub-par (you know how it goes), so anytime I get a decent meal—and by decent I mean something that doesn’t taste like it was prepared four days ago and has been sitting under a heat lamp since—is a godsend. As I approach adulthood, I become increasingly more grateful for good food because it’s not simply handed to me; I am responsible for cooking it or ponying up the cash when the bill comes, thus I appreciate each bite that much more. And, for me, there’s nothing that can compare to a delicious brunch on a Sunday morning after an exhausting week of classes, exams, or just the stresses of life.
If you’re reading this then you agree with me that brunch is the best. A combination of what nutritionists says is the most important meal of the day, breakfast, and arguably the heartiest, lunch, can only mean one thing: the most satisfying meal of your life. Once you’ve had brunch, there’s no going back. Some women love shoes, some treat themselves to mani/pedis, my infatuation happens to be with food, specifically brunch. If you fancy yourself a true brunch enthusiast, too, you’ll recognize more than a few of the following characteristics in yourself.
1. You relish hitting the snooze button.
The beauty of brunching is that you can enjoy all the wonders of breakfast—like sweet, fatty, delicious food and coffee—without the early morning wake up call. If you’re not a morning person like me, you understand and appreciate this day-lights-savings version of breakfast for all it’s worth (which is roughly an extra three and half hours in bed).
2. You understand that just because you haven’t finished your coffee yet doesn’t mean you can’t start in on the rosé.
That later tea* time helps justify sipping on some libations (mimosas, bloody mary’s, sangria, etc.) that would otherwise be frowned upon at breakfast. I for one am all about partaking in events which enable me to drink during the day, particularly those which encourage it right when I wake up.
3. Even on non-designated brunch days you find yourself waiting to eat until 11AM-12PM out of habit.
And you’re not even mad about it because it’s like a mini brunch in the middle of the work week!
Warning: don’t read the next section on an empty stomach (it’ll have a similar effect as grocery shopping in the same condition, and we all know how that turns out). Let’s start with the pastries, shall we?4. You can’t pass up a croissant to save your life.
4. You can’t pass up a croissant to save your life.
The buttery, flaky goodness is a staple in brunch cuisine. They come in so many varieties from plain to pan-au-chocolate and let’s not forget the cronut (it would seem very un-American not to take a foreign delicacy, deep fry it and drown it in glaze)! I’m partial to toasted almond croissants, myself. It is my personal belief, after years of research on the topic, you don’t know what living is until you’ve had a warm croissant. ‘Course there are the purists who believe that a plain croissant dipped in black coffee while walking down fifth ave at 6AM in a Givenchy gown ogling Tiffany jewelry is the only true way to enjoy said pastry, and who am I to argue with Holly Golightly?
5. “It’s not over ‘til the fat lady sings.” WRONG!
From beignets dusted with powdered sugar to crepes smothered in Nutella, you know it’s not brunch until you’ve had at least one artery-clogging pastry. Sure, we can add all the strawberries and bananas we want to tell ourselves it’s “healthy,” but in reality all that fruit does is add a (necessary) pop of color to our Instagram photos. With each bite bringing us closer to diabetes, we have to ask ourselves, “Is it all worth it?” And we resolutely resound—mouths full of dough and syrup—“Hell yes!”
6. You’ve invested in a waffle maker and can now make almost anything in it.
From waffles to brownies, cinnamon rolls to tater tots, there’s no stopping you. It is the perfect gift to get any brunch enthusiast. You get more use out of it than Kim Kardashian gets out of her shape-wear, which you realize you may also need to invest in if you don’t start hitting the gym on top of eating all those scrumptious concoctions (like this waffle-Monte Cristo hybrid)!
7. You have a separate wardrobe dedicated to brunch attire.
While other young women’s closets are brimming with LBDs and stilettos appropriate for their Friday night escapades, yours is chock full of pastel prints, chic rompers, and sun hats, all but required atop the rooftop bars you brunch at.
8. Speaking of dress codes: your most important brunch accessory are the shades you refuse to remove.
Whether it’s because you’re sitting outside on a sunny day or because you stayed out late last night and justify your mimosa as “hair of the dog,” I don’t judge a woman who’s resting brunch face is on point. And you know that a solid pair of sunnies can help you pull this look off flawlessly which is why you never leave home without them.
9. For you, brunch isn’t just a meal, it’s a way of life.
Some people have Taco Tuesday, or Wine Wednesday, for you it’s Sunday Funday. That’s not to say that you never partake in those other culinary events, but brunch is a ritual like going to church (only with better bread and fine wine). You’ve seen the miracles (fried chicken and waffles, bottomless mimosas) and you’ve become a devout follower who never misses a meal.
Forget love, I want waffles on top of waffles and rosé all day!
10. Speaking of religion, you’ve taken it upon yourself to serve as a missionary for your cause so that others may enjoy the wonders of brunch as you do.
You seek to convert friends and family into your faith and are often successful in your endeavors because, honestly, who can pass up brunch? *scoffs at how ridiculous a question that is* When your friends suggest dinner and drinks you counter with “Why not brunch?” Instead of the traditional movie date, you convince your S.O. to be a bit more original by picking you up for coffee and crumpets in the A.M. People rarely argue with you on this because they realize the genius in the idea and come to accept your infinite wisdom.
11. You understand that brunch is like the coconut oil for shitty gift givers: it works for any occasion.
Brunch isn’t just a treat for yourself anymore, no. It has become your go-to present and it never fails to deliver. Mother’s day? Brunch. Graduation? Brunch. Wedding reception? Brunch (Hell yes! I am so doing this someday). It’s a homemade, thoughtful gesture that everyone is guaranteed to enjoy.
12. You definitely have a Pinterest board dedicated to brunch.
It is one of your most popular boards and certainly the one you’re most proud of. You’ve even considered adding it to the accomplishments section of your resumé (so what’s stopping you?!).
13. You plan the whole day around brunch.
You’ll sleep in, get up and primp, go to brunch, have a fabulous time, eat and drink your weight in deliciousness which will inevitably induce a food coma. At this point, you promptly return home to sleep it off with a mid afternoon nap and wake up feeling refreshed, happy, and full. You’ve got this down to a science. You go, brunch pro!
14. When you invite people to partake in the most wondrous event that is brunch and they decline, you cannot fathom why.
It’s like giving someone front row tickets to Beyoncé and having them turn you down. *Cue inner monologue/rant: “Like, HELLO! I’m offering you a chance to be sweat on by Queen B, what the hell is wrong with you? For some of us that’s like being baptized by the Pope. If you can’t appreciate that, then I don’t want you there.” *You are your own Beygency and you are to be feared. For you, there is no excuse to miss Sunday brunch, so you conclude that they must be insane and that you’re better off because you would not have an insane person break bread with you anyway.
15. However, sometimes these unworthy souls slip through the cracks and somehow make it to your table, at which point they proceed to be trolls and ruin what is sacred to you.
Brunch is a time to make toasts while nomming on toast, there is absolutely no room for drama. When someone threatens the sanctity of your brunch, you know just how to shut that sh*t down so that it escalates no further. After all, we are all here to share a lovely meal, dammit!
16. Brunch is a therapeutic experience for you.
It’s where you and your friends come together, catch up, gossip, and dissect each others lives. When you brunch it makes you feel like Carrie Bradshaw and the ladies of Sex & the City, discussing important matters like who’s seeing who and what are the latest fashion trends. Men have sports bars, we have brunch. #TheBrunchClub
17. Undeniably, your entire paycheck goes to three things: rent, clothes, and brunch.
And you see nothing wrong with that. The first two are necessities and the third is your treat to yourself. It’s your spa, bar, and entertainment all rolled into one. When anyone suggests that you should consider cutting back on brunch, you look at them and ask, “Would you also like to suggest that Lebron quit playing ball? While we’re at it, maybe it’s time Adele retire from the music biz? Brunching is what I do, it makes me happy and if you can’t accept that, too bad.” You don’t tolerate haters because you don’t need their negativity in your life. You budgeted for brunch so you’re gonna go to brunch.
18. Your FOMO is real.
Generally you schedule your entire weekend around brunch, but occasionally you may have something going on Saturday night (like any other 20-something), and you’ll be damned if you don’t make it to your brunch date on time. Even if that means showing up in last night’s makeup with a killer hangover. For anyone who gives you crap about it, you smile politely and explain to the plebes that if it ends with brunch it isn’t a “walk of shame” it’s a “stride of pride.”
Yas, Sonja! Live your life.
19. You’ve learned to improvise.
Maybe you don’t have the time or funds for a full-blown brunch. No matter, you won’t let anything get in your way of enjoying your favorite meal. You grab your gal pals and head over to Dunkin’ for a coffee the size of your forearm and a donut the color of which can only be described as anything but natural. It may not be a five-star meal, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a breakfast of champions. Whether you’re in the drive-through lane at McDonald’s or parading around the patio at the hottest new eatery downtown, brunch is what you make of it.
Drooling…TBH, there are some days where this is all I crave.
20. You don’t care if you’re stereotyped for liking what you like.
Maybe you are basic. So what? So. Fucking. What? Other people’s opinions aren’t about to discourage you from eating whatever you want when you damn well please. I’ll see you your judgmental glare and raise you a glass of champagne. Cheers, bitches!
Brunch is a luxury that many college kids cannot afford, at least not on a regular basis. For me, brunch is a treat to be cherished whenever possible. If that means I make do with a bagel and iced coffee, then that’s what I’ll do, or if I need to make my own buffet at home, I will so long as I can enjoy a nice meal. If you associate yourself with any of the aforementioned reasons on this list, congratulations, you’re a bitch who brunches! I’ll see you at the café.
Featured image source: layaliwebzine.com
